fear
failure
dependence
codependence
deep sea creatures
home invasions
abduction
death by serial killer
torture
prison
parasites
being smothered, stuck, stifled
the evening news
how cruel people can be
revenge and self-righteousness indignation
depression
personal anger
the possibility that my father didn't love me
that my mother loves and resents me at the same time
that i'm responsible for others' emotional wellbeing
that i'm a magnet for avoidant personalities
that i'm too unhealthy
that i'll never feel safe
that i'll never be safe
that i'll never have a family of my own
that i might not want one
that i'll never have a home of my own
that i want too much
that i'll never reach my full potential
that i won't write
that i'm entirely untalented
that i'm incapable of cutting the intellectual mustard
that if i'm not pleasing someone, i'm nothing
that i will never make something of myself
that i'm inherently obnoxious
that as i grow older i'll find more and more to dislike about myself
that i'll never consider myself in shape again
that if i'm not attractive, i'm unworthy
that i'm perpetually failing god
that i'm not thankful enough
that it will be never or too long before i find mutual, faithful, committed, passionate, respectful, spiritual, intellectual, hilarious, creative, genuine love with a man i find beautiful in his own way
that every man i don't want to leave, will
that i want them all to leave
that i'm too intense
that i'm too much
that i'm not enough