Sunday, June 20, 2010

things i'm afraid of




deep sea creatures

home invasions


death by serial killer




being smothered, stuck, stifled

the evening news

how cruel people can be

revenge and self-righteousness indignation


personal anger

the possibility that my father didn't love me

that my mother loves and resents me at the same time

that i'm responsible for others' emotional wellbeing

that i'm a magnet for avoidant personalities

that i'm too unhealthy

that i'll never feel safe

that i'll never be safe

that i'll never have a family of my own

that i might not want one

that i'll never have a home of my own

that i want too much

that i'll never reach my full potential

that i won't write

that i'm entirely untalented

that i'm incapable of cutting the intellectual mustard

that if i'm not pleasing someone, i'm nothing

that i will never make something of myself

that i'm inherently obnoxious

that as i grow older i'll find more and more to dislike about myself

that i'll never consider myself in shape again

that if i'm not attractive, i'm unworthy

that i'm perpetually failing god

that i'm not thankful enough

that it will be never or too long before i find mutual, faithful, committed, passionate, respectful, spiritual, intellectual, hilarious, creative, genuine love with a man i find beautiful in his own way

that every man i don't want to leave, will

that i want them all to leave

that i'm too intense

that i'm too much

that i'm not enough

1 comment:

  1. Erica, this is courageous! For me, it's important to remember that God loves the thief as much as the saint. - Grant